Monday, February 21, 2011

Too much bitter... Not enough Sweet

This weekend was bittersweet; so sweet as we spent the most amazing time with each other listening to and watching Mason giggle at the play Go, Dog. Go!; Cooking and taking photo’s – Mason’s new favorite thing to do… And the adults even got sometime together; Greg and I had the most amazing date night with the K’rabs  also known as the Carbajals.
On the flipside it was also far too bitter; as we learned that Travis was taken home to Jesus.
My heart has been heavy all weekend with this news. I have to be honest; there is a lot of loss in the heart community; it is a hard place to be a member.
Each loss is hard because they remind you of the fragility of your own child and I walk away thinking “That could be my Mason”. So we hug him a little tighter and thank Jesus a lot more than usual.

“Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars."
Khalil Gibran

As time has gone by more things from our past become clear…
On February 11th, 2008 the day we found out about Mason’s heart condition a piece of me died; I have never been the same. I became scarred.
My scars are not visible like Mason’s but just as Mason has healed so have I.
I mourned my pregnancy, his birth, and the “healthy” newborn son that I so deeply wanted…
I still hurt for what my son has gone through and goes through…I also don’t think that will ever go away – This is my scar…
Old hurt will be replaced with new hurt; but also with new joys…

”There is something beautiful about all scars of whatever nature. A scar means the hurt is over, the wound is closed and healed, done with."
Harry Crews

New scars will come and heal for all three of us – this is apart of our life’s journey!


Johanna Jane said...

I wish I could put how I feel right now into words. But I can't. This is all I can say: You are amazing. AMAZING! You and Greg and little Mason. You are all in my prayers. xoxo

Katie said...

This is a beautiful post. Thank you for sharing. I agree with you that it never gets easier, we just learn to adapt more easily. Our days are filled with so much joy that we don't want our worries, sadness and fear to overshadow the little victories our children have. They are truly amazing souls and we are the blessed ones to be on the journey with them. I know I've been taught so much from Maddie and thank God for her and these life lessons every day.
Heart hugs!